im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
