no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
