So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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