...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love having hate sex.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
