i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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