hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
