Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize