Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
