i can't believe i had my finger in that
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
