No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
