why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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