You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize