speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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