I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
