Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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