Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
