I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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