Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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