Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
sex in a hospital.. check
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize