almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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