It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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