Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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