Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
