thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
