You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
