me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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