From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
