Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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