no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
