the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize