so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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