Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
