Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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