I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
