I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
