she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
