nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The dick lei will go down in squad history
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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