Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
