im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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