I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
