2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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