Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
