My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
