Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
