kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
