Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(607): View more from New York

Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.

(1-607): View more from New York

I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.

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(727): View more from Florida

He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?

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(917): View more from New York City

And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.

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(801): View more from Utah

Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.

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(415): View more from California

I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station

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(812): View more from Indiana

That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only

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