He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he's single and there are thong briefs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
