where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
