Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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