Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
