did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
