If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so let's talk penis.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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