did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
