i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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