Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
