TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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