Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
