just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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