ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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