Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
