i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
