Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize