So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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