last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Randomize
