I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
