threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
