i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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