i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
