she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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