This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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