K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
