I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You ate ashes out of my bong
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
