he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
