What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she told me i tasted like america
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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