was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
