What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
