She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
