Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
