No stitches, just platelets and will power
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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