Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
