chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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