is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
