You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
