So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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