What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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