I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
