after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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