we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize