I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize