if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
