Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
