I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
