my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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