Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
