if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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