Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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