if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
