Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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