Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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